Thursday, February 3, 2011

hawks & chocolate

(disclaimer #1: this is from Google, not route 81)

I noticed a hawk in a tree today. I never would have imagined myself thinking that was exciting, but today I did. And I might from now on.

You see, my husband has ALWAYS noticed hawks in trees and on fences and sometimes in pretty obscure places. To be honest (and this is probably news to him), each time he's pointed them out to me I didn't much care. He points them out a lot and I can never figure out where he's looking anyway.

Well, when I was driving home on route 81 today and spotted my very own hawk perched up in a tree I was so excited that I had noticed it! And then I got thinking about how awesome marriage is. Strange segue, I know, but what this bird sighting meant to me was that my husband has been influencing my life in a way I didn't even realize. I'm sure it hasn't been a goal of his to train me to spot hawks, but all of the time I've spent in his presence while he finds them has made me aware of a small, beautiful part of life that I bet I'd be missing out on if I weren't married to the man I am.

I think I'll try harder to find the ones he's pointing to from now on.


On a completely different note, I am addicted to chocolate. Not in the funny-saying-on-a-refrigerator-magnet kind of way, but in a real way. I sneak an inordinate amount of chocolate into my mouth every single day. I have wrappers stuffed in every crevice of my car and I even sneak wrappers into my purse so I can throw them away when I get to work so no one at home will see what I've been eating. I'm seriously addicted. And it's not funny or okay. The problem is, I don't know how to change.

Recently I've had a few conversations with people about how I know I need to totally revamp my diet, but the second no one is around, I shove chocolate into my mouth . It's disgusting.

(disclaimer #2: this is from Google, not my life)
 Taking care of the body God has given me should be a motivator. Being an attractive wife for my husband should be a motivator. Being around to raise my son should be a motivator. But obviously I'm a self-absorbed jerk who values 2 seconds of deliciousness over God, my husband and my son.

I know this is going to seem completely trivial to a lot people, especially if this isn't a struggle you have, but I would love it if you could give me some (helpful, and hopefully kind) thoughts. Have you ever overcome an addiction? What did you do? How did you attack it? What worked, what didn't? What was the hardest thing about it?

I need to make this change. There's too much to lose if I don't.

1 comment:

M.DEMO said...

Hey Steph,

It's Megan....your long lost friend. Remember me? Band? Laughing our heads off? Road trips with your mom? Jokes....I'm sure you do :) Miss you lots and lots. Stumbled upon your blog through Scotts facebook page. Love getting a glimpse of your family's life. Alexander is so big and so cute!!'re post got me thinking and I wanted to respond.

I have been accused of getting my husband addicted to candy. We are pretty bad about sweets - on and off. So I started related to how you are feeling and then thinking about the off times and about the things I do to get my self to stop and stay stopped. Sugar addiction is no joke. It causes cravings in a major way that are really hard to deny.

My previous situation: I sit at a desk all day and my office mate brings candy in and I bring candy in and then I go home and eat candy and I CAN'T STOP!! Just one more is not a big deal compared to the amount of candy I had allllll day long!!

Then I realized: when it's in front of me I can't stop.

Advice #1: Don't buy chocolate. Ask others to not to have it out around you. Get rid of the chocolate you have.

- If you do this, be sure to substitute it with some other delicious treat. Maybe not the healthiest snack in the world, but something healthier (dried fruit, yogurt, fresh fruit, are there any vegetables that you actually really enjoy?). Keep making your go to snack healthier and healthier. Maybe even try small pieces of dark chocolate, which is supposed to actually have health benefits. Gum! Chew gum! That is something that has helped keep me from totally over eating in the past.

2) The biggest, hardest step: Don't eat it...just this once. This is totally AA 12-step plan, but it works. If you have the opportunity to eat it - say "no thank you". Don't tell yourself that you're never going to eat it again, but just don't do it this one time. Maybe commit to the entire day. You can build on that. Day to week to month. If you slip up, you can start over, not a big deal.

3) FInd someone to keep you accountable. Sounds goofy, but is there someone who will check in with you to make sure you are cutting back? (I will if you want. I have some goals that I need to work on that I am just not "getting around to".) Accountability is a big piece of it. Sounds like you are sneaking when no one is looking, but if you have to report it to someone then they are always "looking". You can use Alexander. Tell him, "I didn't eat any chocolate today, becuase I love you" or "I could have had 20 pieces of chocolate today but I only had 5, because I love you."

I've found that you have to do some pretty seemingly silly things to break habits. You're working to retrain paths in your brain that are really embedded. It's like blazing a new trail through thick brush. You really have to work at it in a unfun methodical way, but every time you make a decision that supports new behavior it works on building that new path in your brain and the old one eventually starts to fade.

Well...that was fun. We should really catch up some time. I don't know what the best way to get ahold of you is. Shoot me an email some time:

Your life looks beautiful. Much love. :0)