It's been a particularly trying day with Alexander. Scott had to go in to work today to do some year-end, or what I think should be called year-beginning (because it's January) inventory. The plan was that my mom and I, and Alexander, were going to do a quick bit of shopping and just have a little mother/daughter/grandson time while Scott was working. Anyway, I don't really need to get into all the details. Like I said, it's been a tough day. He pretty much has just cried all day. He didn't take his normal 2 hour nap in the morning that I count on because I sleep when he does during that one, he didn't take his early afternoon nap either, which I was banking on to have a little bit more time out with my mom, and it wasn't until around 5:00 tonight that he started looking like he might actually sleep. He had probably only slept for a combined total of maybe 45 minutes today which is totally nuts (in a not-so-good nuts kind of way!).
We usually start the going to bed process around 6:45 or 7 each night, so obviously 5:00 is much earlier than normal, but I knew he was SO tired. So, I put him in his crib a little after 5. At 5:50 (Scott now gone again having some "man time" which I am totally supportive of), he woke up completely inconsolable and stayed that way for a good 30 minutes until I tried feeding him, even though there's no way he should have been hungry. That worked for a second. Then back to crying. So I took him out of his room and sat on the couch rocking him and reading and singing to him and he was just quiet. In between pages of what I was reading (a MOPS magazine which I'm sure he was incredibly interested in!), I looked down at him and this is what I saw:
He was just staring at me, looking at me with his enormous, beautiful eyes. It hit me today. It was the most incredible feeling and tears just started coming down my face because I can't even believe that it's possible for me to love this boy as much as do. He's been crying all day long, raising my body temperature and my stress level all day long. And now there he was, just quiet and looking at me. And wow, even after a day like today, I absolutely love being his mother.